Nanki, Week 16 - a letter from me to you
Dear blogmates,
So we're finally at the last blog. It's kind of sad, isn't it?
It makes me think about how so many things are coming to an end for me.
Not to be excessively sappy, but I realized how quickly time slips out of our hands without us even realizing it. I think that song from Mamma Mia is right. “Slipping through my fingers, all the time.”
It’s never hit me as hard as right now mostly because this is the year where everything changes for me. It’s the last year that I perform in theatre with my friends who are seniors. It’s my last year at American. It’s my last year in high school.
You’re wondering what I mean but really I’ll just be at Ohlone next year, which isn’t too far. And yes I’ll still return to carry out my commitment to the theatre (not that anyone was wondering) so I’ll still be around but it’s that feeling that I think I’m afraid of losing.
Instead, I’m being pulled into limbo by a feeling that I’ll no longer have any time to be silly and goofy and live out my teenage dreams of staying out late and being dumb and being carefree.
Perhaps that explains my frantic picture-taking because I just want to capture all the moments in time.
I think about how I’ll remember my high school experience, and the way it was cut short. When I look back at all the photos, will I still feel regret for not having lived my life to the fullest? Will I have memories that satisfy me? Or will I feel like I lost it all in trying to chase a future that I am not even guaranteed to have?
I think about the memories I have with my theatre seniors right now. They’re the ones that built up my love for the theatre. I don’t think I would have stayed and would have enjoyed the art as much as I do without them.
Are you familiar with that filter on Instagram? The yellow-tint one? Los Angeles. That’s how I think of all my high school memories. Vivid. Bold. Loud. There.
I’ll remember these assignments too. The stress, the laughter, the bonds we made over our suffering grades and the burn out. So, thank you for listening to my inner thoughts and realizations and just listening to me yap over the last quarter.
-Nanki
Hi Nanki! Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time. Y'know, the one of you, me, and Amrita wedged in a corner in room 712. Or the ones in those weird bubble mirrors we love. Or the moment imprinted in my brain of Amrita joking, "When WE'RE editors..." I think that feeling of limbo is valid. I feel it too, often. I moved around a lot as a kid, and a part of me is always waiting for the next plot twist. It made it hard to do my work sometimes, I always felt like time was moving too fast, yet I was always in the same place. I think the idea of what you could have had will always chase you. You have to remember that though we see our lives branching out like fig trees, we must trust that each fig will be as sweet as we can make it. I hope when you look back on those pictures, you see a girl that was an incredible and caring friend, a girl that chose something that wasn't easy. I appreciated the sincerity in your writing and the relatable references as always.
ReplyDeleteHey NankI! I definitely relate to your feelings right now! I truly never thought I would feel so sad about a year ending. It may be because be we going to be seniors next year and I already cannot believe that! It felt like yesterday when I first walked into this school already hating it so much. It felt like I just started high school and now it is coming to an end so soon. I am so sad to hear that you are going to Ohlone next year! Another one of my friends is going there too next year. I can relate to taking so many photos whenever I hang out with my friends. They always question why I always take photos. I always tend to look back on them. These photos truly hold so much memories for me...Okay I am gonna move on now cause photos remind me of the APENG exam prompt. Overall I felt that this year is a year that I cannot forget so easily. I mean I am in a new friend group now and I joined color guard (thank you for encouraging me to join in the first place). This year has changed me so much and I hope that your next year at Ohlone can provide that same amount of memories that you experienced here during your years at American. Will miss you!
ReplyDeleteHi Nanki, I completely understand what you are saying about not wanting to appear unnecessarily sappy but at the same time it is still quite sad. I mean we are still just juniors so we, at least, have one year left but it still feels like we are saying goodbye to a lot. The juniors and seniors, I feel, are by far the two closest classes because we have spent the most time together. It is really sad to see all these people going away especially considering that so many of them I won't be able to keep a relationship. High school is such a unique experience where we are forced into these little classrooms and spend nearly every day with these people. We are placed into environments where we have to make connections which is going to be harder as we get older. I really do appreciate all the seniors that I have made friends with this year because I have seen not only them grow but they have watched me grow and given me all types of advice. It is for that reason that I am also really excited to see how we all are as a senior class. There are still some memories left to make so I am praying that I really enjoy my senior year and try to have more fun because this whole high school experience feels like it went pretty fast. Also, the Mamma Mia song always makes me and my mom cry too.
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