Nanki, Week 13: remembering in its entirety
Birthdays, assignments, lines, messages, rules, regulations, the list goes on.
We have so many things to remember as students, as people, as children, as friends. But I remember always forgetting and feeling guilty about it.
I’d always forget about assignments or peoples’ birthdays or rules and regulations teachers had or anything like that. And I felt stupid for that.
Every time I forgot about something or I didn’t know something I felt guilty for not knowing and honestly the fact that right now I am remembering how I forgot says a lot about the trauma, those feelings of guilt and how intense those feelings of feeling dumb were
I’d look around and everyone would have an assignment done but I didn’t. Or it would be a friend’s birthday and everyone is getting them gifts but now because I forgot about it, I’m a bad friend and there went another friendship. In fact, I almost forgot about this assignment because I have so much on my mind.
But I’m going to tie this back to how important it is to remember what your weaknesses from the past are and how you can improve from your flaws in order to perfect a routine that works for you and a lifestyle that does not weigh you down.
I struggled to do this at first. Any time my mom would remind me to write down my homework assignments because I would usually forget, I got really defensive and cringed at the sound of my own mistakes. I didn’t WANT to remember. I wanted to forget.
It’s a gruesome and tiresome process to try and sit through your own hours of misery and actually figure out why you had such a rough time in the past doing whatever it was that caused you pain, but eventually I realized something: isn’t it powerful to be able to say that you fixed a flaw?
So while as humans we are psychologically inclined to repress memories that hurt us the most, including those that embarrass us, it is important to try not to avoid your past, but to try and remember. The good times, the bad times - remembering old habits can help us forget them.
PC: fstop images/Shutterstock
Bonjour Nanki Kaur! I love the style that you took with your blog this week. It has a dynamic tone and the way that you wrote it is very distinctive. I can see that you employed some really effective literary and rhetorical tendencies like with the listing and the repetition. It is also personal with the sweet addition of I’s and me’s and your own personal feelings which evaluate the impact of this emotional response to memory and how it fails us. Also, I couldn’t relate more when it comes to the struggles of failing memory. I always feel so terrible when I forget something about someone even if they tell me repeatedly or I have to pull out my phone to remember someone’s birthday when they seem to remember everything about me. I have one friend who has a truly exceptional memory and she has memorized my schedule like the back of her hand while I still struggle to remember the distinctions between her classes or what teachers she has. I really don’t know what the problem is either. It is not like I consciously don’t care but just a few hours later I won’t be able to remember. Even though it’s hard for me to remember small details about people, my ability to remember things for school is rather good. I have developed almost a system of remembering my work. I go through the school day in my mind and write down everything in my to-do list. I think I am also quite good at remembering speeches in a short time but then again have a terrible long-term memory for the things that I have learned. I feel like there is almost a give-and-take with memory. It is a little intimidating to consider how much memory plays a role in our psyche. This thing that we are always losing is integral in defining who we are which is something I found rather thought-provoking in your blog.
ReplyDeleteThe best part about your blog is that it addresses two different topics simultaneously: memory and how people overthink their past. I struggle with both, so I enjoyed reading your blog. I remember forgetting many things, like you, while other people remembered. Simple things, like assignments or birthdays, would slip out of my head quickly. I even have a digital textbook to remind me of people’s birthdays. I really like your notion that teaches people not to stare at their past, but rather to learn from it. I often go by this saying: “the rearview mirror is not for staring, it is for glancing.” People like to look at their past as a burden, but realistically, your mistakes make you who you are.
ReplyDeleteHello Nanki! I enjoyed understanding your perception of memories. I agree with you in that we often try to forget sad or embarrassing moments because of the emotional weight they hold within us. Similar to you, for me, life got hectic after high school started, both personally and academically. I found that this caused me to become extremely forgetful, a characteristic I am now noticing in my brother who is in middle school. I suddenly became forgetful of my assignments, commitments, and such which often made me look careless, but it was not intentional. Though it is important to be able to fix your flaws, is it equally important to understand the mental commitment needed to make a change in one's life. Your blog was an enlightening read, thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Nanki. Memory is both such a blessing and a curse. I remember the time me and my best friend laughed that no sound came escaped, but also the moments I spent crying until 1 am. I remember the most lovely memories of my childhood that filled me with so much love, but also the times I felt the most alone. But like many things, there will always be a light and dark. That is how we get the good, is by experiencing the bad, or else we would never be able to understand and appreciate the good. Personally, I think that is just know things are. Instead of rejecting the idea that there should only be good. I loved your line "isn’t it powerful to be able to say that you fixed a flaw?" It reinforces the idea that us people are fluid. We are constantly growing and that the ability to cringe or regret show that we have grown since that event. I overall agree with all that you wrote about. Thank you for writing.
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