Nanki, Week 12 - "Be So Fr"
The power of self-acceptance is a concept that only recently occurred to me.
All my life, I'd always been chasing social acceptance. I was always trying to fit in, as cliche as it sounds. I developed what I call a "liquid" personality because I was so metamorphic with how I altered it just to match the people I was hanging around. But of course, it was all fake.
It wasn't me to gossip about who was dating who in that big group of kids. But I'd still chime in with the "OMG really?! No way" every time someone said something personal about their own friends (a concept I never understood - how can you gossip about your own friends? Make it make sense I'd think to myself).
It wasn't me to put so much pressure on competing with my friends about who could get the higher GPA.
It wasn't me to talk about dressing up in dolly outfits.
It wasn't me to talk about Taylor Swift or Olivia Rodrigo or Stranger Things or TikTok because frankly, I'm just not into those things. It's just not me. But if you're honest about then "she thinks she's so quirky" or "she's trying to be a 'pick me.'" That's what's mainstream and that's what's trending and if you can't get down with what's in then you have to get down with being out.
Any time I was honest about my likes, vulnerable about my feelings, or just purely authentic, it felt like I was being constantly judged and I just couldn't find my people.
Eventually, I learned to adopt a "we ball" mindset. I learned that no one is interested in who you truly are. No one really wants to know what you're into, no one really cares about how you're feeling, and heaven forbid someone see you cry because then you're attention seeking.
So I convinced myself that if you're nonchalant about everything, you'll fit right in. That's what these people I walked amongst wanted. They wanted me to cover up who I truly am and adopt a superficial personality - become a generic brand version of myself. You can put that name-brand version of yourself back on the shelf because at the end of the day generic is what everyone picks up.
But after reading Galilea's blog last week, I realized that it really isn't all that bad to be vulnerable. Why are we invalidating who we are just to please others? These people giving into the generic Barbie doll lifestyle are probably hesitant to be authentic themselves. That's what's really upsetting.
We need to encourage people to open up again. It's so powerful when you're able to accept yourself for yourself. You'll notice how gratifying it is. Be vulnerable. Open up. Empathize. Sympathize. Be real. Fr. Be so for real.
PC: Success.com
Hey Nanki! I loved how our blog goes over the concept of changing yourself. When I was reading it, it made me realize that I would do the exact same things with my friend groups. Because of how different they were, I changed myself to fit both. I felt that it had come to the point where it becomes difficult to try to be yourself. In my view, changing my personality is who I am, which does really suck when you think about it. While reading your blog, I agree that majority of people are not really showing their true selves and are only playing a "character" that their friends would like. In a way, I think they are afraid to do so. To be themselves. Their friends have already liked this character that they were playing...so why should they be their true self? To be honest, I did not expect a blog that dived into this idea. It is somewhat unique since when we think of power, we think of everything that influences a person, yet we do not really think about what influences us. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello Nanki. I loved how vulnerable you chose to make this blog. To be able to admit your mistakes and share the chaos that invaded your mind as you ruminated on this. I can really tell how much you reflected on this topic and the growth you went through that led to this realization. I am excited to see what kind of person you truthly are without the presence of others. It is easy to fall into the trap of only loving yourself because others give you reason to. To be so scared of other people’s opinions that you essentially hide yourself, or at least a part of it that you find unloveable. I have done this, where I would ask the question “do they like me? Are they annoyed at me? Am I too much?” I never bothered to ask myself “do I even like them?” I think this question is one we should be asking yourself over wondering if someone likes us. To be completely honest, when I wrote the blog you referred to, it was nine o'clock at night and I just had to write something to turn in. I racked my brain of what else I can talk about that still followed the theme of power. Ever since I started on my self improvement journey, that is something that I can talk about incessantly, which is why I wrote that blog- because essentially, it was easiest for me. However, after reading your comment and even having you come up to me and tell me how much of an impact I made on you, it solidified the idea that everything happens for a reason. I am so happy that what I wrote resonated with you and I would love to talk to you beyond our blog cohorts. I wish you good luck in finding the strength to be different and your journey to discovering your unapologetic self. Thank you for writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Nanki! The title of your blog really captivated me. I too have adopted the "we ball" mindset, but for me I think it came from a place of realizing that life is short and truly the smaller decisions we make don't affect us long term. I agree with you in that it often feels like losing situation when we are either forced to act like we like something popular, or risk being called a "pick me." And of course, that's horrible because being a pick me means that choosing not to like something makes you some sort of attention seeker, make it make sense. Selectively choosing to be nonchalant has freed me from conforming to societal expectations by creating a more relaxed internal outlook, it's made me focus more on the person I want to be, rather than what I want to be perceived as. Drifting apart from the cookie cutter identity, while being able to connect with the people around me has been a struggle of mine over the past few years, however I've found that the people I enjoy spending time with don't mind my preferences. I think specifically the environment we are in--be it Fremont or the Bay--has created an extremely competitive nature, thus creating an inherently comparative mindset that ignores our personal interests. Lastly, I enjoyed the way you ended your blog, with a few simple words that essentially capture what our generation has become. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Nanki, your blog actually touched close to home with me. I feel similar in that I've always tried to fit in with whichever friend group I was in at the time. Saying things that would relate to them rather than just acting like myself. I felt out of place at times and even lonely. However, I've also found myself a group where I can be myself and not worry about their judgement. I think while you shouldn't have to change how you are to fit in, you also shouldn't purposely be different to attract attention. This reminds me of James Lee's view on things from the book we read in class. The amount of emphasis he put on fitting in was concerning but I feel that it all depends on upbringing. Some people are content with just fitting in. It is essential to just find people where you can be yourself with no false camaraderie.
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