Mai Week 12: Having stress? It's the Best!
Having Stress? It's the Best!
Stress.
So much stress. But at the same time, not a lot. I have always been quite an anxious person, overthinking things and worrying about possible outcomes. I remember one afternoon during the height of the rumors about a nuclear war, I became convinced that if something bad happened I would want to be at home with my family. In a panic, I ran home and began declaring my love as soon as I opened the door. It was unreasonable, for sure, but that little eating feeling with each step I took, just kept saying: What if?
But I never thought that I was more stressed than anyone else. At school, especially during junior year, stress weighs down on students like heavy backpacks as they drag their feet to the next class. And you can see the effects on the body. I’m sure you've noticed the sunken eyes of some students (including myself) or the sinking feeling in your chest like your heartstrings have been pulled tight before a big presentation. You can be perfectly practiced, yet, still feel that whispering voice: What if?
And in dire circumstances, stress, or more so the mind has a terrifying power over the body.
Something that comes to mind when I consider my more anxiety-riddled moments is my hypochondria. Hypochondria is the irrational fear that you have an illness and can take "on an obsessional, even delusional, quality"(Burnet).
Hypochondria is a funky type of anxiety where people who have it can worry so excessively that they end up causing their own symptoms, resulting in more stress. A few years ago, before I managed to control my hypochondria, I vividly remember how my mind turned my body against me. I was convinced I was sick, going from cancer to multiple sclerosis in the span of days. I would manifest debilitating pains in my lungs that made it hard to breathe, and I would have to distract myself to get them to stop. Once after a night at my aunt’s house, fully preoccupied with activities and cats, one passing thought left my legs covered in excruciating pins and needles as they fell numb.
I would then drown myself in information online, seeking comfort, making deals with my parents to take me to the hospital if these “symptoms” persisted. Of course, I was never really sick, but I thought about it constantly. Every moment, I worried.
What if? What if? What if?
Learning about hypochondria was like a breath of fresh air. I stopped looking up symptoms. I slowly began to excuse my pains, telling myself it was just anxiety, and now I can keep it at manageable levels which has also helped me be more forgiving, in general. Yes, I am still a bundle of anxiety, but not too much. Stress can be scary, and it is natural to worry, but when that worry is too strong, well…
So I wonder… How stressed are you?
Hey Mai! I completely see where you are coming. Growing up, I would have these anxiety feelings that would sometimes cause my heart to panic. I feel like it caused me to have so much stress especially when it comes to school and all the assignments and assessments we would hav to do. In my view, stress helped me out in completing many of these tasks...mostly because I thought to myself, "what if?" What would happen if I did not complete this assignment? What if my grades will never recover? These "what if" questions had got me to push myself even though I was feeling, maybe, the most stress that I have experienced in my life so far. I liked how your blog covered the topic of Hypochondria since I was not even aware that it existed. I also admire you for speaking up about it in your blog since not that many people choose to do so. I felt that this inclusion of Hypochondria in your blog had helped with the overall structuring of your information and it also helped develop it more. Thank you for sharing your blog!
ReplyDeleteWow Mai, your blog was incredibly insightful and highlighted a similar experience of mine. Now my anxiety has never been as much as your's but I'd say I still experienced a fraction of it myself. As a student in such an academically competitive environment, I always feel constant pressure to be better grade-wise. I feel constantly embarrassed even comparing grades with the multitude of highly intelligent students at American. I feel like as high school students and potential college students in our near future, stress will be a constant factor in our life. We have to learn how to deal with it eventually, right? Overall, your blog was very engaging and interesting. I enjoyed reading and responding to it.
ReplyDeleteHello Mai. I can relate to your experience with stress, how it consumes your mind, imagining what
ReplyDeletewould happen if the worst outcome would come true. I have my own irrational fear of the people I love dying before me. I would meticulously think about how they would die, how I would find out, what my reaction would be, and how I would cope. The thing about these daydreams is that I force myself to believe that they are my reality, so much so I would form tears. After these sessions I would message these people and profess my love ensuring that if they were to die tomorrow they would at least know how much I love them. If I were to have any regret, it would be having my loved ones not understand the magnitude of my feelings for them. A way I cope with feelings of stress and anxiety is knowing that these negative feelings all serve a purpose and are all, in some way, telling you something about yourself or to yourself. For instance, with my fear of my best friends dying I interpret it as showing how much I love these people; it reminds me that I have to continue to show love and affection so that they never forget it. If I am stressed about a test, it tells me that I value getting good grades and my future. A solution I have to stressing about my grades is by lowering the stakes and understanding that I can still be happy even if I get an undesirable grade. I love how vulnerable your blog was. Thank you for writing.